Is it Time to Let Someone Off the Hook?

In this Voice Studio episode we discuss the significance of Ruth Wariner and Anna LeBaron bridging the gap between their families. Are you collateral damage from a falling out? Is it time for you to let someone off the hook instead of holding them responsible for something they didn’t do?

Mentioned in this episode:

Episode 07 & 08, Part 1 and 2 of A Family Miracle: Polygamist Cult Survivors

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Transcript

Hey, hey!  It’s Andrea Wenburg and I’m really glad that you’re here with me today, and we’re calling this a Voice Studio episode because it’s sort of like you’re coming in to my studio for a voice lesson if you will.  And really this is a conversation but it’s an opportunity to think about something from the last episode that we listened to, the interview that took place.

So the last interview was with Anna LeBaron and Ruth Wariner.  Now, they each wrote books memoirs in fact about their stories from escaping from a polygamist cult, a violent polygamist cult.  Now, they didn’t know each other but they’re cousins.  And if you haven’t listened to that episode yet, you’re going to want to go back and do that because it is an incredible story.  And in fact, it’s so deep and rich and harrowing in fact that it feels like it doesn’t even do a justice to call it an incredible story.  But I do encourage you to go back and listen to that episode.

Today, what we’re talking about is the fact that Anna reached out to Ruth even though their families had this great chasm built between them as like, I want to call it a Chinese wall sort of thing because Anna’s father, Ervil LeBaron had Rose father, Joel LeBaron killed when Ruth was only 3 months old.  So Ruth didn’t even know her father and Anna hardly knew hers, but their families were torn apart.  They were split before this because their fathers were sort of vying for position and trying to figure out who was the real prophet of their religion.

But what happened through the years, as they didn’t know each other, they were totally split apart and then Anna found Ruth through Twitter.  Now, what’s significant about this is that they had such a huge chasm between them, that it affected everybody else after their fathers.  So all the other sister wives, mothers, and their siblings, their cousins, it affected everybody.  This difference between them kept them apart.

But when Anna reached out to Ruth even though she didn’t realize who Ruth was, Ruth was ready.  She was ready for Anna and she wanted to explore this idea of having a relationship with her cousin.  And in the process, they ended up learning more about each other.  They learned more about themselves and about their families.  And if you heard the interview, you know that they were saying things about how important this meeting together and coming together has been.  And they’re going to talk about that more in Episode #8 – Part II of this interview.

So the take away for this, I think is something really important for us all and I’m wondering for you, do you have a relationship in your life that kind of feels like a great big chasm that feels like there’s this big wall between you and another person?  Now, I realized that there are times when those bridges don’t need to be crossed but if it’s family, if it’s somebody that’s close to you that maybe they’re safe person or they might be safe, but maybe it’s the wound that runs deep within your family or within a group of people and it’s affecting you.  It’s affecting you, maybe your children, and other people who don’t really have anything to do with that.

And one thing that Ruth mentioned was that Anna and her siblings, she didn’t feel like they needed to carry their responsibility or the weight of what their father did.  And that’s a really powerful statement.  Are you holding someone responsible for something that maybe they’re not responsible for?  Is there a chasm or a gap between you and somebody else who maybe they’re just sort of collateral damage in your relationship as this is kind of collateral damage?  But if you were to reach out, if you were to extend a hand, a gentle hand one that’s willing to offer who you are just like Anna did to Ruth, or somebody offers that to you, could you be like Ruth?

And yes, certainly tread lightly, but welcome them into a relationship with you that is healthy, that is some powerful stuff right there.  So is it time for you to let someone off the hook?  Maybe they don’t really need to carry the weight of the responsibility of what someone else did.  Can you reach out to them and offer who you are?  You’ll never know what kind of healing could occur in you, in them, and what it would inspire in other people.  And I tell you what, when that sort of thing happens, it really does make your voice matter more!

END