Influencing Change by Using Your Voice in Your Way

//Are you living in alignment with your voice, your calling, your mission? How can comparison with others be beneficial as long as it doesn’t lead to judgment?  Andrea discusses some vital factors that can help us to live in alignment with our unique contribution to the world and to make a deep and lasting impact on the issues that we care about.

Mentioned in this episode:

• Fascinate Assessment
• Voice of Influence Programs for Teams, Leaders, and Organizations

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Transcript

Hey there!  It’s Andrea, and welcome to the Voice of Influence podcast.  So last week, we had JeNae Johnson on the show, and she talked about finding your own brand of protest.

We talked about how it’s hard when it doesn’t feel like you’re aligned with what you’re doing.  And it’s difficult to feel like the things that are inside of you are not aligning up with what you’re actually doing.  Do you ever feel like that?  Do you ever feel like your voice is sort of, like, I don’t know, frustrated?  Or there’s something else that you feel like you really want to say or do, and it just isn’t coming out quite right, or it’s just not happening the way that you would hope that it would happen?

Well, I hope that you’ve listened to that episode.  If you haven’t, go back and certainly listen to the episode with JeNae because she talks about her own experience of feeling like she wasn’t completely aligned, and that there was something more that she had to say.  She talks about kind of her experience of getting to that place where there was no turning back.  She knew she had to speak up.  She knew what she wanted to say.  It was sort of very raw and real, and it was circumstances that led to that moment.

I’ll let her tell you her story if you haven’t listened to it.  But it all kind of came to a point where she had sort of prepared herself in a lot of ways to be ready when the time came, but she wasn’t really there until, boom, that moment just kind of struck.  And she knew this was the time that she had to start speaking directly from the heart.  She had to start speaking up with her voice.

But she also found that the people around her may not be sharing in the same kind of way that she was.  They weren’t necessarily saying the same things that she was or in the same way that she was.  And that was frustrating.  And yet she found that what she really realized was that everybody kind of has to have their own sort of brand of protest, their own sort of way of saying what they need to say and contributing to the cause that they have.

And so, that’s what we’re talking about today.  We’re going to go a little bit deeper into that, into what it looks like for you to find your own voice, your own sort of brand of protest as she was saying.  But whether it be protest or aligning yourself with your work… they go kind of hand in hand, finding that calling that you feel for yourself, that you feel on your life, and sharing that in a way that is unique to you and unique to your own personal gifts and values.

So, we’re going to look at three different things that I believe are really important for us to take a look at when we’re trying to align ourselves with who we are and what we have to share.  Okay, first of all, we need to start by taking the pressure off of ourselves to be like somebody else that we admire.

In one of our most popular episodes, we talk about finding your calling.  And this is one of the key things that I believe is so important – to look at somebody that you admire.  So take a minute, just think about this.  So, who is somebody that you admire who’s speaking up for their cause, who is sharing their voice in a way that you feel like you really admire it for whatever reason?  Maybe you admire their vision.  Maybe you admire their voice.  Maybe you admire the cause that they’ve put themselves behind or the results that they seem to be getting.

So, take a second.  Who is it that you really kind of admire when it comes to sharing a message, sharing your voice for a cause?  And maybe there’s a few people.  You can jot those down.  I’d encourage you to do this, to go ahead and jot it down, and be very specific about what it is that you actually admire about that person and what they’re doing.  And then ask yourself this question.  Do you ever feel guilt or shame for not being what they are?  Do you ever just feel bad for the fact that they are doing something, and you admire them, but you’re not doing that thing the same way, you’re not having the same results, you’re not as clear about your voice?

Well, I want to give you this opportunity to compare yourself with them without judging yourself with them.  So, there’s no need to judge ourselves or to judge other people when we’re comparing.  We can compare without judging.  I think that that’s the enemy here.  Comparison is not the problem. It’s the judging part that’s the problem.

So, look at reality and say, “Look, this is what they’re really good at.  This is what they’re doing.  This is what I’m good at, and this is what I’m doing.”  To be able to just put those things side by side and say, “Okay, so this is the difference,” that is not a bad thing.  That actually can be very enlightening and helpful.  Where it becomes a problem is when it becomes, “Well, they are worse than me because of this,” or, “I am worse than them because of this.”  We’re somehow putting ourselves on some sort of ladder of hierarchy of importance or of righteousness.  It is important that we don’t judge other people when we’re wanting to understand the differences between ourselves and them.

So, you can take the pressure off of yourself by looking at those things, comparing and saying, “Okay, so this is that person, and this is me.  I may not totally understand myself yet, but by looking at them and seeing how they are different than me, this might illuminate for me some things that I want to do.”  So, maybe it’s something that you want to do because you see it in them, and that’s a desire for you.  Or maybe you see that in them, and you think, “You know what, that’s them.  That’s not me.”  So that’s a good thing to be very aware of.

All right.  Be honest with yourself, and then release yourself from judgment based on them, and release yourself from this pressure to do what they do and as they do it.  Once you do that, once you take the pressure off, and you kind of realize, “Okay, so this is kind of how I’m comparing myself to other people.  This is how I’m orienting myself in the world,” then take that next step back and say, “Okay, so who do I want to be?  What is my cause?  What is my purpose?  What are my values?”  These are all things that can take a bit of time to kind of wrestle with and figure out, and we’ve certainly talked about this over and over on the podcast.

We’re going to get specific with values today because I think that when it comes to getting these things aligned, and getting your voice aligned with what you want to do and the cause that you have, one of the most important things for us to do is realize what is most important for us – prioritize our values.  I’ll just use our company as an example.

So, in general, our purpose is to connect people’s gifts with the need that’s in the world.  It’s a very big, broad, general purpose.  If we’re not doing that, then we’re not really doing our job.  We’re not doing what we have set out to do.  We’re not in line with our vision and mission.  So that’s number one.  And how you get to that, we’ve talked about in previous episodes.  We’d be happy to help you figure it out if you’re looking to try to figure that out.  But connecting our gifts with the need in the world is that main thing.  Okay, so that’s the first thing.  That’s sort of like the broad umbrella of things that we do, and we want to make sure that things are underneath that.

And then we start to look at, “How are we going to do this?  What do we bring to the table that could help further that cause?”  So that’s when we look at, “Okay, well, we’re good at this, and we’re good at that, and we’re not good at this, and we don’t really like doing that.”  And so, we started to whittle down, and we realized that what we really are here to do, what we can do to really further that cause of connecting people’s gifts with the need that’s in the world…  We’re not really marketers per se.  We are more relationally driven.  We’re communicators.  We have background in psychology and theology and education.

And so, how do we bring those things together?  How do we bring our gifts to the table and create some sort of solution that’s going to help somebody?  And so that’s why, you know, that we provide resources.  We provide coaching and training and that sort of thing.  That’s the stuff that aligns with who we are.  So, what aligns with who you are?  What’s your education?  What is your background?  What are your experiences that you bring to the table that are unique to you, that could have an impact?

You can certainly just go and make a list.  You can ask other people.  You can take assessments to find out what your strengths are, and what you’re interested in bringing to the table, what you want to bring to the table when it comes to solving a problem of some kind and for the cause that you have.  But once you do that, you also have to know, “What am I really wanting to get out of this?”  So, this is where the values come into play.

So, “What kind of impact am I wanting to have?”  We define deep impact as being transformational, long-term, and it has to do with our orientation – the way that we are orienting ourselves in the world, the way that we’re orienting our heart, and our mind, and the seat of our will, if you will.  So, how do we change on that inside so that it makes a big impact on everything else?  That is a deep impact.

To us, a shallow impact… which does not mean it is not valuable, it just means it is not as deep.  It is a shallow impact that might be more transactional instead of transformational.  So, “If you do this, then you won’t get punished,” or, “If you do this, then I’ll do this for you.”  So, there’s a little bit of that sort of, like, “I just want you to do the thing.  I’m just trying to get you to do the thing that I want you to do.”  So, that’s a shallow kind of impact.  It’s going to make a difference in the moment on that short-term kind of action.

But if you’re wanting to have a deeper long-term impact, that’s something that takes longer.  It takes more finesse, and nuance, and the ability to connect with people at a deeper level.  And so, that is what we are really good at, and so that’s what we focus on.  If people are wanting to have transactional impact, to just go quick and make a quick move and make things happen quickly, then that is not our area of expertise.  So, we’ve realized that the value for us is that deeper impact.  And so, we choose deep impact over shallow impact.

So, then we have to kind of look at, “Well, what are we doing here in life that could be shallow, and what, you know, shallow impact could we have versus what deep impact could we have?”  So, when I look at, for example, social media, in general, I do not see that as a place where there’s deeper transformational impact that takes place.  It doesn’t mean it can’t, but in general, it’s less likely.

So we have to look at, “Well, when I want to share something, when I have a thought that I have for my cause, or a message that I’m trying to portray or get across, what is it that I want to actually say on social media versus what I would say to a person in a conversation?  Where am I going to get that deeper impact?  Where is it going to make a bigger difference?”  If I’m just posting something and replying to somebody or, you know… sometimes we tend to do these things where we get sarcastic or we make fun of people, or respond to somebody’s comment with some snark and things like that.

And it’s funny, and you might get a chuckle out of it.  It might feel good to blow off some steam, that sort of thing.  But that’s a shallower kind of impact.  It doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter, and it doesn’t mean it’s not valuable in some ways.  But that’s not what we value at Voice of Influence.  So, we value the deeper impact.  So, we’re going to look for the opportunities to get in these deeper conversations and make more of a difference in that kind of way.  So, we value that more so we’re going to do that more.

So, I would encourage you to consider what kind of impact you want to have for your cause or a cause that might come up in the future.  Maybe you don’t quite have it yet.  You’re not sure what that is, but when you want to make a difference, what kind of difference do you want to make?  It’s important for us to consider, and to at least make educated decisions, and take relational risks, take calculated risks when it comes to how we’re going to share a voice and when we’re going to share it.

You get to decide that.  Nobody tells you what to say or not to say.  You’re going to have consequences to whatever you choose to say.  So, if you’re employed someplace and you choose to make a comment online about something that you don’t like about the company, and it’s public, the company can come back, and they can say, “Sorry, but the consequence of this is that you’re no longer employed,” or whatever it might be.  But you have to realize that and own the fact that, “You know what, it’s just going to be like that.  There are going to be consequences for however I end up deciding to use my voice.”

So, make those calculated risks.  Make those decisions, not just based on your internal reaction that you haven’t filtered.  Rather, take the time to think it through and make sure that this is what you want to do, and you’re moving towards the outcome that you really want.

Alright, so you’re taking the pressure off of yourself by comparing yourself without judging yourself to other people and saying, “I don’t have to be like that.  I’m just gonna be who I need to be, who I want to be.  I’m going to release myself to be able to be that person.”  And then you got to figure out, “What is it that I want to be?  What am I bringing to the table?  What are my priorities when it comes to my values?”

And then once you do that, it’s time to find your really authentic voice.  It can mean throwing yourself out there.  You know, you can put yourself out there in little ways and see what feels right.  Do little experiments.  Talk to people one-on-one, and ask them for their feedback, and have these conversations in a low-risk setting, perhaps, before you go and do it someplace else that might be higher risk.

So, there’s some of that, feeling things out, finding that voice, finding what you really think and believe and what you want to say.  There’s also how you show up.  How do you show up with your voice?  And this is where I wanted to just do a little shout out to the Fascinate Assessment.  This one in particular we use for, how do we share our influence with others?  What does it feel like?  What does it look like?  What does it sound like?

And the Fascinate Assessment gives you an opportunity to say that… this was my personal experience, “Oh, gosh, you know what, what I thought I was didn’t end up being quite what the assessment said that I was,” which helped me to see that – though I thought I was this one person in the way that I was coming across – that maybe I was trying to conform myself to ideals that I had set before because of how I grew up, or the people around me, whatever it might be, the values of the my parents, that sort of thing.

When I say values, I’m talking about, like, just the value of connecting and that sort of thing.  So that’s part of me, but I didn’t realize how much a part of me it was to be innovative and powerful in my voice.  I didn’t realize how much that was there.  I saw myself as being connective but not necessarily as being powerful.  So, when I say powerful, I’m talking about having that confidence in what you have to say and speaking with confidence.  So, you could find out that maybe your authentic voice, maybe there’s something there that you didn’t even realize was there.

And you could live into that just a little more fully.  At the same time, the Fascinate Assessment gives us an opportunity to take a step back and say, “Oh, but this is where it goes wrong.  When I double down on my voice, when I refuse to consider other voices, or when I’m stressed out and I’m acting out of fear instead of love, this is how my voice looks and that’s not so pretty.”

And so, it gives us that opportunity to see who we are when we’re at our best, and who we are when maybe we’re not at our best.  And we need to take a look at that and say, “Well, what do I want to be?  Who do I want to be right now?”  So, when it comes to finding your authentic voice, I love the Fascinate Assessment for this.  You can certainly use that to help you to find more of a clarity for yourself when it comes to how you’re coming across, and how you want to come across, what makes the most sense for you.

And JeNae used a really good example of a client that she had who… she had started to speak up about racial injustice, and she was confused about why a client of hers had not spoken up as well in their context.  And she thought about it later, he had said, “Well, you know, what I’ve been just wrestling with what to say exactly.  I’m not sure what to say.  Would you help me with that?”

And what she realized was that his brand of protest, if you will, his voice is more reflective, very carefully thought through.  And before he says anything, he’s going to think it through.  He’s going to make sure that it’s all exactly the way it’s supposed to be before he says anything.  But when he does say something, it means a lot.  Which was completely different than the way that JeNae was experiencing and using her voice.

So, that example was such a good example of how we may want other people to speak up or to be quiet or to do things that we’re more comfortable with, but they might not be comfortable with them.  Or they might have a special gift to do it a different way.  So, again, comparing without judging.  “How can I bring my gift to the table, and contribute to somebody else, and help them be able to use their voice if that’s what’s needed?”

So, today, we looked at how to take the pressure off of yourself so that you’re not just trying to compare and judge yourself compared to other people.  You do not have to do what everybody else does.  The question is, what do you want to do?  Who do you want to be, and how will you show up?  What kind of impact do you want to have?  And what do you care about?  And then what is that authentic part of your voice?  Are you willing to be patient to take those calculated risks to open up to dialogue so that other people might be able to open up to you?

And then one last kind of word on this.  I think it’s also really important that we each consider our own responsibilities.  So, “What am I actually responsible for?  Who am I responsible for?  Who needs me to speak up right now?  And what do they need from me?”  Sometimes, we have to do things that aren’t authentic or don’t necessarily feel authentic to us.  It might feel uncomfortable, but that doesn’t mean that it’s not authentic.  Uncomfortable doesn’t necessarily mean inauthentic.

So, when you consider what your responsibilities are, think about that and give yourself a chance to say, “You know what, this is what I would want to do in this situation, but what do people need from me right now?  If I’m leading a team, if I’m a parent, if I’m a teacher, if I have responsibility to other people, what do those other people need from me right now?”  And if you’re not sure how to give that to them, if you’re not sure how to communicate, then you can ask somebody for help.  Ask someone who is good at what you need to do, what you need to help people with.

I hope that you are able to feel more free to be you, to show up to the causes, to the mission, to the vision that you have for the world in a way that is going to be an alignment with your own values.  What do you care about?  What kind of impact do you want to have?  And think about that for yourself, and then be able to find that authentic voice inside of you.

Show up as you.  Show up because we need you to show up.  And if you need any help with that, if you want to take the Fascinate Assessment, we have a great little program that’s simple.  If you take the assessment, you get a  thirty minute debrief conversation with somebody on our team.  We actually kind of come up with your own mission or value statement.  And then you also get to learn more about the assessment from a little online course.

So, if you’re interested in doing that, that is a really simple way for you to start to find your voice.  We’ve got more information about that on our “Programs” page, voiceofinfluence.net/programs, and you can always contact us on our “Contact” button on our website.  We love helping people connect to their gifts with the need in the world.  And we would love to help you find your voice and find your cause.  Move forward with confidence because your voice matters, and you can make it matter more!

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